My mom is a survivor or so I've heard it said but I can hear her crying at night when all others are in bed I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand she doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand but like the sands on the beach that never wash away... I watch over my surviving mom who thinks of me each day she wears a smile for others a smile of disguise! but through heavens door I see tears flowing from her eyes my mom copes with death to keep my memory alive but anyone that knows her knows it is her way to survive as I watch over my surviving mom through heavens open door.... I try to tell her that Angels protect me forever more I know that doesn't help her or ease the burden she bears because my surviving mom has a broken heart that time will never heal!!
Brotherly Love / Derek Smith (His little Brother )Read >>
Brotherly Love / Derek Smith (His little Brother )
“How was school today Derek” I heard behind a wall of music from my room , as I entered the house. “Fine, I’m a little tired” I replied as the music suddenly disappeared. I put my school bag down with a thud and walked into the room where Scott was playing Sega Genesis and blasting rush on the CD player. “Do you want to play me in sonic Derek” Scott exclaimed with a look of confidence as he knew I couldn’t beat him. “Sure I’ll play” I said with a partial grin saying to myself “your going to lose.” I never beat him in sonic. We were brothers and even though 11 years apart we were best friends. Everything I knew about music, sports, girls, videogames, and generally about life were through what he had taught me. We would talk long into the night like best friends would, like brothers would, like a father and son would, and in the absence of my father he filled the void. It was my mom Linda, my brother Scott, and myself Derek all living together as a little family. We had seen the best of times and the worst of times and no matter what as long as we stuck together we could survive anything, we’ll as long as we stayed together. That kept us moving forward until one tragic autumn life as we knew it would be changed forever.
Late August early September 1997 began as any other early autumn ; the temperatures were dropping into the low 80’s, sun setting a little earlier and yes another school year set to begin. I realized in late august while sitting in the plastic lawn chairs that were stationed at the round metal table in our back yard that I had a lot to accomplish this year in school. I was 15 nervous and really eager to start sophomore year at Cherry Hill High School West. I knew a lot was riding on this year I wanted to get good grades and do well in school. I remember picturing myself as a hitter batting in the World Series with a 0 and 2 count, with runners on second and third, down by 1 run with 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth inning. “Derek, Derek” Scott exclaimed as he snapped his fingers to bring me back to life like I had just been subdued. “Oh what’s up” I replied like a deer in the headlights. “Sorry I must have spaced out.” “It’s cool” he replied with a smile, “what’s bothering you” he asked in an assuring tone. “Well I’m a little nervous about school this year” I replied. A little was definitely an understatement. I was as nervous as a skydiver jumping for the first time. He did an excellent job of making me go from a feeling of nervousness to a feeling of confidence. A little later in the conversation though he was talking and he said to me this: “Derek I’m 27 years old, I have been through a lot in life, I made many mistakes, learned many lessons, and realized so much about myself. I have accomplished most of the goals I had set. I know that If I weren’t here tomorrow I would be happy knowing I had lived my life.” What he told me at that time was just a statement of his feelings; I really had no reason to look at it as anything else nothing to read into too deeply. The point here is that we were both there for each other and that we helped each other out all the time with out problems. He was getting his life back on track and making a positive difference.
Already 1 month into the new school year and I knew things were looking better than last year. I was taking a music appreciation class and on particular day, October 3th I couldn’t wait to get home to tell Scott what I learned in class. As I ran into the house my mom gave me a confused type of look and said “Derek where are you going.” I said to go tell Scott what I learned in class. I went into the room and Scott was getting ready to go out. “Hello Derek how was your day today” he said with a smile. “Great” I replied as I began telling him what I learned. He was excited to hear about what I learned and told me he was running out to work and he would be back for dinner. Shortly after that he came back for dinner. A little later that evening he was getting ready to go out and I asked him where he was going. “Just out with a few guys from work, I will see you before I go.” He replied. Before Scott left he came to the room to say good by, it was obvious that he was rushing around and running late. “Are you leaving now” I said. “Yes I’m going now Derek, be a good boy and behave your self I love you and I will see you later.” I really didn’t think much of how he said goodbye to me at the time, it didn’t even cross my mind until later. See when Scott would go out he would say be good and I will see you in the morning. This time was a little bit different. The evening went on I watched TV, played guitar, and played Sega Genesis. Around 11:30 I decided to go to bed I was tired. “Derek, Derek, wake up Derek” my mom said in a frantic voice, “Scott’s been in a bad car accident get dressed we have to go to the hospital. 2:30 the clock read as I was frantic rushing to get dressed and grab my bible. In the car ride to the hospital I was trying to calm my mom down and tell her to stay strong. We were all kind of shaken and very nervous because we had no idea what to expect. Once at the hospital my uncle informed us what was going on with Scott and that the doctors said he should be ok. The next few hours were sheer hell for us; we sat in the box for 2 hours. The waiting room had brown walls and was very small and it was cold in there. A little later a man in a doctor’s coat walked in introduced himself and said Scott is in surgery and had a 90% chance of survival and recovery. So we sat for another 2 hours with no contact with the outside world, we were like prisoners in this waiting room, Scott making it through this surgery would be our freedom. Then at 9:06 A.M. we knew hell had broken loose. The same doctor that we saw before had said that we had lost Scott . I lost it I was crying angry and I started punching the table and the floor I couldn’t begin to imagine he was gone.
The healing process was very difficult and long. My mom and I had a long road ahead of us but we made it through. Life will never be as it was before Scott passed. Holidays, birthdays, concerts, anything and everything that reminds me of him is now different. I have come to terms with his death and accepted it. His death was for a reason that we may never know. In my heart I feel his passing was unfortunate and a young life was lost too early. Through his passing I realized just how much he had taught me in life. He had problems with alcohol and drugs earlier in his life, but through his lessons I had learned that I didn’t nee dot fall victim to those same mistakes. I was going to do all the things that he wanted to accomplish but as unable to. Scott was a genuine person who would do anything for anyone. His spirit and memory will forever live on in the hearts of those who were closest to him. Whenever I run into problems I think of what he would do to find resolution, and I make decisions that would make him proud of me. And even though we cannot bring him back our memories of him will last forever.
Always Remembered / Wendy Gumpper (Friend) Scott, You are remembered each & every day. You introduced me to your mom & I will forever be grateful to you, she's one of the very best, just like you. Your memory will live on always and one day we will all be reunited, but until then, keep an eye on your mom & Derek, they need you. Love always, Wendy Close
Scott 10/4 went to be with God / Mom, Dad, Derek (Mom)Read >>
Scott 10/4 went to be with God / Mom, Dad, Derek (Mom)
We remember you Scott on this day, October 4, the day you left us to go to heaven. We so miss you. Life is not the same. Rest in peace scott. Love forever, Mom, Dad, and Brother